Dodie Smith - I Capture the Castle

originally been a stable. Once inside, we were faced with a black

velvet curtain stretching right across. There was a little spiral

staircase in one corner.

"Go on up," he whispered, "and keep quiet in case it's a psychological moment."

At the top of the staircase was a gallery from which we could look down into the studio. It was brilliantly lit, with all the lights focussed on a platform at the far end. Stephen was standing there, in a Greek

tunic, against a painted background of a ruined temple.

He looked quite wonderful. I couldn't see Leda Fox-Cotton anywhere but I could hear her.

"Your mouth's too rigid," she called out.

"Moisten your lips, then don't quite close them. And look up a

fraction."

Stephen did as she said, and then his head jerked and he went bright

scarlet.

"What the hell was began Leda Fox-Cottonthen she realized he had seen someone in the gallery, and went and stood where she could see us

herself.

"Well, that's that," she remarked.

"I shan't get anything more out of him now. He's been self-conscious all morning--I suppose it's that tunic. Go and change, Stephen."

She was all in black--black trousers, black shirt- and very hot and

greasy, but there was a hard-working look about her which made the

greasiness less unpleasant than it had seemed at Scoatney.

While we were waiting for Stephen, I asked if I could see some of her work and she took me through into what must have been the stable of the next-door house. It was furnished as a sitting-room, with great divans piled with cushions. Everything was black or white. On the walls were enlargements of photographs she had taken, including one of a

magnificent, quite naked Negro, much larger than life. It reached from the floor up to the high ceiling and was terrifying.

There was a huge framed head of Stephen waiting to be put up.

I admired it and said how beautifully he photographed.

"He's the only boy I ever had the chance to do who was beautiful without looking effeminate," she said.

"And his physique's as good as his head. I wish the silly child would strip for meI'd like to put him up beside my Negro."

Then she handed me a whole sheaf of Stephen's photographs, all

wonderful. The queer thing was that they were exactly like him and yet he seemed quite a different person in them--much more definite,

forceful, intelligent. Not one of them had that look of his that I

used to call "daft." While we were lunching (on a mirror-topped table) I wondered if it hadn't perhaps gone in real life. He was certainly

much more grownup, and surprisingly at ease with the Fox-Cottons.

But he still wasn't--well, so much of a person as in the photographs.

The food was lovely--so was everything in the place, for that matter, in an ultra-modern way.

"All wrong for this old house," said Aubrey (they told me to call them by their Christian names), after I had been admiring the furniture.

"But I prefer modern furniture in London and Leda won't leave her studios and take a flat. Modernity in London, antiquity in the

country- that's what I like. How I wish Simon would let me rent

Scoatney!"

"Perhaps Rose will fall in love with New York when they go there for their honeymoon," said Leda.

"Are they going?" I asked, as casually as I could.

"Oh, Rose was talking about it," said Leda, vaguely.

"It would be a nice time to go, if they get married in September. New York's lovely in the autumn."

The most awful wave of depression hit me. I suddenly knew that nothing would stop the wedding, that I had come up to London on a wild-goose

chase; I think I had begun to know it when I saw Simon's roses in the flat. I longed to be back at the castle so that I could crawl into the four-poster and cry.

Leda was talking to Stephen about posing for her again the next

morning.

"But we've got to go home today" I said quickly.

""Oh, nonsense- you can sleep at the flat," said Leda.

"There isn't room," I said.

"And, anyway, I must get back."

"But Stephen needn't surely? You can go by yourself."

"No, she can't--not late at night," said Stephen.

"Of course I'll take you if you want to go, Cassandra." His Leda gave him the swiftest, shrewdest look- it was as if she had suddenly sized up how he felt about me, wasn't pleased about it, but wasn't going to argue with him.

"Well, that's a bore," she said, then turned to me again.

"I'm sure they can fix you up at the flat somehow or other. Why can't you stay ?"

I longed to tell her to mind her own business. But as she was my

hostess, I just said politely that Father and Thomas needed me.

"But, good lord," she began- then took in my determined expression, shrugged her shoulders and said: "Well, if you change your mind, ring up."

Luncheon was over then. As we walked across the hall, Heloise was

lying on the black marble floor, very full of food. Leda stopped and

looked at her.

"Nice--her reflection in the marble," she said.

"I

wonder if I'll photograph her? No--there isn't time to rig up the

lights in here," She didn't give a flicker of a smile when Heloise thumped her tail. It struck me that I never had seen her smile.

While she was dressing to take Stephen to the film studios, I felt it would be polite to talk to Aubrey about his work and ask to see

pictures of it. Of course I don't know anything about modern

architecture, but it looked very good to me. It is odd that such a

desiccated man should be so clever--and odd that anyone who sounds as silly as Leda does can take such magnificent photographs. When she

came downstairs she was wearing a beautiful black dress and hat, with dark red gloves and an antique ruby necklace; but she still looked

quite a bit greasy.

I had decided to go back to the flat in case Rose came home earlier

than the maid expected, so Leda dropped me there on their way to the

film studios. Stephen arranged to call for me at half-past eight.

Leda had one last nag at me: "You are a trying child, making him take you home tonight. He'll have to come straight back to London if he

lands this job."

"He doesn't have to go with me unless he wants to." I don't think I said it rudely.

"Anyway, good luck with the job, Stephen."

As they drove off I started to walk Heloise round the block of flats, but I hadn't got far before the car stopped and Stephen came running

back to me.

"Are you sure you want me to take this job if I can get it?" he asked.

I said of course I was, and that we should all be very proud of him.

"All right- if you're sure his As I watched him racing back to the car I had a wrongful feeling of pride--not so much because he was devoted to me as at the thought of Leda having to realize it.

I spent the afternoon in the drawing-room of the flat. I read a

little--there were some very serious American magazines, not bit like the ones Miss Marcy had. But most of the time, I thought. And what I

thought about most was luxury. I had realized before that it is more

than just having things; it makes very air feel different. And I felt different, breathing that air: relaxed lazy, still sad but with the

edge taken off the sadness.

Perhaps the effect wears off in time, or perhaps you don't notice you are born to it, but it does seem to me that the climate of riches must always be a little dulling to the senses.

Perhaps it takes the edge off joy as well as off sorrow.

And though I cannot honestly say I would ever turn my back on any

luxury I could come by, I do feel there is something a bit in it.

Perhaps that makes it all the more enjoyable.

At five o'clock the kind maid brought iced tea and sandwiches--and

biscuits for Heloise, but she much preferred sandwiches. After that, I fell asleep on the sofa.

And suddenly they were all back--the room was full of laughing and

talking. All three of them were in black-apparently most smart London women wear black in hot weather; it seemed unsuitable, but they looked very nice in it.

And they so pleased to see me--Rose simply hugged me.

Everyone was determined that I should stay for the weekend.

Rose insisted her bed was big enough for two and when I said we should kick each other she said:

"All right--I'll sleep on the floor but stay you must."

"Yes, do, dear," said Mrs. Cotton.

"And then we can see about your bridesmaid's dress on Monday

morning."

"If only I'd known you were here, I'd have rushed home," cried Rose.

"We've been to the dullest matinee.

She was fanning herself with the program. Three months ago no matinee in the world would have been dull to her.

Topaz urged me to stay, but in the same breath asked if Father would be all right without me. I told her exactly what food I had left for him and Thomas.

"We'll call up Scoatney and have a cold roast of beef sent over,"" said Mrs. Cotton.

"They can eat their way through that."

Then Simon came in and just to see him again was so wonderful that I

suddenly felt quite happy.

"Yes, of course she must stay," he said, "and come out with us tonight."

Rose said she could lend me a dress.

"And you telephone Neil, Simon, and say he's to come and dance with her. You shall have a bath in my bathroom, Cassandra."

She put her arm round me and walked me along to her bedroom.

The quiet flat had come to life. Doors and windows were open, the maid was drawing up the sunbils, a cool breeze was blowing in from the Park, smelling of dry grass and petrol-- a most exciting, Londony smell-which mixed with a glorious smell of the dinner cooking.

"The kitchen door must have been left open," said Mrs. Cotton to the maid, quite crossly. As if anyone could mind the smell of a really

good dinner!

While I was in the bath, Rose telephoned the Fox-Cottons" house for me--I was afraid Leda would answer and I didn't fancy telling her

myself that I had changed my mind. Then I felt it would be most unkind not to ask Stephen how his interview had gone, so I yelled to Rose that I would like to talk to him.

"He's in the studio with Leda," Rose called back.

"Aubrey says he'll ask him to telephone you later."

After she had hung up she told me that Stephen had got the film job.

"Aubrey says Leda's terribly excited about it- Stephen's to have ten pounds a day for at least five days. He doesn't have to say

anything--just keep wandering about with some goats. It's symbolic or something."

"Gracious, fancy Stephen earning fifty pounds!"

"He'll earn more than that before Leda's finished with him," said.

Rose.

"She's crazy about him."

When I came back from the bath there was an evening dress:

laid out for me- again, the fashionable black!

Though it turned out that Rose had only chosen that dress for me

because it was her shortest. It fitted me very well, just clearing

the ground, and was utterly luxurious- though Rose said, "Oh, it's only one of the ready-made ones, bought to tide me over."

As I finished dressing, I heard Neil's voice in the hall.

"You're complimented," said Rose, "he hasn't been near us weeks. Dear me, I hope he won't put poison in my soup."

I said it was a pity they didn't get on with each other.

"Well, it's not my fault," said Rose.

"I'm perfectly willing to friends with him- for Simon's sake. I've tried again and again, I'll try tonight, just to show you. But it

won't be any good."

When she said "for Simon's sake" I thought: "Of course she loves him. I was an idiot to believe Thomas." Yet I went on feeling I kept saying to myself: "I've seen him- in a minute I shall see him again. That's almost enough."

Neil knocked on the bedroom door and called:

"Where's friend Cassandra?"

Rose wasn't quite ready so I went out to him alone.

I had forgotten how very nice he is. We went into the drawing-room and Simon said: "Why, she's grown up!"

"And grown up very prettily," said Mrs.

Cotton.

"We must go shopping next week, my dear."

I think I did look reasonably nice in Rose's dress.

Everyone was wonderfully kind to me I perhaps they felt that I had been a bit neglected. When Rose came in she put her arm through mine and

said: "She must stay a long, long time, mustn't she? Father will just have to look after himself."

Topaz would never have passed that, but she had gone out with Aubrey

Fox-Cotton.

After dinner (four courses; the jellied soup was marvelous), they

decided where we should dance. Mrs. Cotton wouldn't come she said she was going to stay at home and reread Proust.

"I started last night," she told Simon, "and I'm longing to get back to him. This time I'm making notes--trying to keep track of my favorite

paragraphs, as you did."

Then they began a conversation about Proust that I longed to listen to, but Rose swept me out to her bedroom to get ready.

"The way those two talk about books!" she said.

"And without ever mentioning an author I've read a line of."

It was fascinating strolling along Park Lane to the hotel where the

dance was, with the sky deep blue beyond the street lamps. But after

the first few steps I realized that I was in for trouble with Rose's

satin shoes--they had seemed to fit quite well when I put them on, but I found that they slipped off when I walked unless I held my feet

stiffly. Dancing proved to be worse than walking- after one turn

around the room I knew it was hopeless.

"I shall just have to watch," I told Neil.

He said, "Not on your life," and then led me to a deserted corridor just off the ballroom. It must have been intended as a sitting-out

place--there were little alcoves let into the pink brocaded walls --but Neil said people hardly ever came there.

"Now take those darn shoes off," he told me, "and I'll take mine off, too, in case I step on you."

It was the queerest feeling, dancing or the thick carpet, but I quite enjoyed it. When the music stopped, we sat in one of the alcoves and

talked.

"I'm glad you came to London," he said.

"If you hadn't, I might not have seen you again. I'm going back home a week today."

I was most astonished.

"You mean California his Aren't you going to stay for the wedding his I thought you were to be best man."

"Simon will have to get someone else. I can't miss this chance.

I've been offered a partnership in a ranch--got the cable today.

They need me at once."

lust then we saw Rose and Simon coming out of the ballroom, obviously looking for us.

"Don't mention it, will you?" said Neil, quickly.

"I want to break it to Mother before I tell the others. She isn't going to be pleased."