Ирвин Ялом - The Schopenhauer Cure

ingrained that he never viewed them as a liability. On the contrary, he considered

his misanthropy and his isolation a virtue. Note, for example the coda of his

porcupine parable: «Yet whoever has a great deal of internal warmth of his own

will prefer to keep away from society in order to avoid giving or receiving trouble

and annoyance.»

Schopenhauer believed that a man of internal strength or virtue will not

require supplies of any kind from others; such a man is sufficient unto himself.

This thesis, interlocked with his unwavering faith in his own genius, served as a

lifelong rationalization for the avoidance of closeness. Schopenhauer often stated

that his position in the «highest class of mankind» imposed the imperative not to

squander his gifts in idle social intercourse but instead to turn them to the service

of humanity. «My intellect,” he wrote, «belonged not to me but to the world.»

Many of Arthur`s writings about his supreme intelligence are so flamboyant

that one might consider him grandiose were it not for the fact that his assessment

of his intellectual prowess was accurate. Once Arthur applied himself to being a

scholar, his prodigious intellectual gifts became evident to all about him. The

tutors who prepared him for the university were astounded at his precocious

progress.

Goethe, the one man of the nineteenth century whom Arthur considered his

intellectual equal, eventually came to respect Arthur`s mind. Goethe had

pointedly ignored the young Arthur at Johanna`s salons when Arthur was

preparing for the university. Later, when Johanna asked him for a letter of support

for Arthur`s application to the university, Goethe remained masterfully

noncommittal in his note to an old friend, a professor of Greek: «Young

Schopenhauer seems to have changed his studies and occupations a few times.

How much he has achieved and in what discipline, you will readily judge for

yourself if, out of friendship for me, you will give him a moment of your time.»

Several years later, however, Goethe read Arthur`s doctoral dissertation and

was so impressed with the twenty–six–year–old, that during Arthur`s next stay at

Weimar, he regularly sent his servant to fetch him for long private discussions.

Goethe wanted someone to critique his much–labored work on the theory of

colors. Though Schopenhauer knew nothing of this particular subject, Goethe

reasoned that his rare innate intelligence would make him a worthy discussant. He

got rather more than he bargained for.

Schopenhauer, greatly honored at first, basked in Goethe`s affirmation and

wrote his Berlin professor: «Your friend, our great Goethe, is well, serene,

friendly: praised be his name for ever and ever.» After several weeks, however,

discord arose between them. Arthur opined that Goethe had made some

interesting observations on vision but had erred on several vital points and had

failed to produce a comprehensive theory of color. Dropping his own professional

writings, Arthur then applied himself to developing his own theory of colors,

differing in several crucial ways from Goethe, which he published in 1816.

Schopenhauer`s arrogance eventually corroded their friendship. In his journal

Goethe described the ending of his relationship with Arthur Schopenhauer: «We

discussed a good many things in agreement; eventually, however, a certain

separation proved unavoidable, as when two friends, having walked together so

far, shake hands, one wanting to go north and the other south, and very soon

losing sight of one another.»

Arthur was hurt and angry at being dismissed, but internalized Goethe`s

respect for his intelligence and continued for the rest of his life to honor Goethe`s

name and to cite his works.

Arthur had much to say about the difference between men of genius and

men of talent. In addition to his comment that men of talent could hit a target that

others could not reach, whereas men of genius could hit a target that others could

not see, Arthur pointed out that men of talent are called into being by the needs of

the age and are capable of satisfying these needs, but their works soon fade away

and disappear during the next generation. (Was he thinking of his mother`s

works?) «But the genius lights on his age like a comet into the paths of the

planets.... he cannot go hand in hand with the regular course of the culture: on the

contrary he casts his works far out onto the path in front.»

Thus, one aspect of the porcupine parable is that men of true worth,

particularly men of genius, do not require warmth from others. But there is

another, darker aspect to the porcupine parable: that our fellow creatures are

unpleasant and repulsive and, hence, to be avoided. This misanthropic stance is to

be found everywhere in Schopenhauer`s writings, which are studded with scorn

and sarcasm. Consider the beginning of this passage from his insightful essay «On

the Doctrine of the Indestructibility of Our True Nature by Death»: «If in daily

intercourse we are asked by one of the many who would like to know everything

but who will learn nothing, about continued existence after death, the most

suitable and above all the most correct answer would be: ‘After your death you

will be what you were before your birth.`”

The essay continues with a penetrating and fascinating analysis of the

impossibility of two kinds of nothingness and in its entirety offers insights to

every human who has ever contemplated the nature of death. But why begin with

a gratuitous insult—«one of the many who would like to know everything but

who will learn nothing»?—Why contaminate sublime thoughts with petty

invective? Such dissonant juxtaposition is commonplace in Schopenhauer`s

writings. How disquieting to encounter a thinker so gifted yet so socially

challenged, so prescient yet so blinded.

Throughout his writings Schopenhauer laments any time spent in

socializing and conversation. «It is better,” he says, «not to speak at all than to

carry on a conversation as sterile and dull as is the ordinary conversation with

bipeds.»

He lamented that he had sought all his life for a «true human being» but

found none but «miserable wretches, of limited intelligence, bad heart, and mean

disposition.» (Except Goethe, whom he always explicitly exempted from such

diatribes.)

In an autobiographical note he states, «Almost every contact with men is a

contamination, a defilement. We have descended into a world populated with

pitiable creatures to whom we do not belong. We should esteem and honor the

few who are better; we are born to instruct the rest, not to associate with them.»

If we sift through his writings, it is possible to construct a misanthropist`s

manifesto: the rules of human conduct by which we should live. Imagine how

Arthur, adhering to this manifesto, might have fared in a contemporary therapy

group!

• «Do not tell a friend what your enemy ought not to know.»

• «Regard all personal affairs as secrets and remain complete strangers, even

to our close friends.... with changed circumstances their knowledge of the

most harmless things about us may be to our disadvantage.»

• «Giving way neither to love nor to hate is one half of world wisdom: to

say nothing and believe nothing, the other half.»

• «Distrust is the mother of safety» (a French proverb, cited approvingly).

• «To forget at any time the bad traits of a man`s character is like throwing

away hard–earned money. We must protect ourselves from foolish

familiarity and foolish friendship.»

• «The only way to attain superiority in dealing with men is to let it be seen

you are independent of them.»

• «To disregard is to win regard.»

• «If we really think highly of a person we should conceal it from him like a

crime.»

• «Better to let men be what they are than to take them for what they are

not.»

• «We must never show anger and hatred except in our actions.... it is only

the cold–blooded animals that are poisonous.»

• «By being polite and friendly, you can make people pliable and obliging:

hence politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax.»

26

_________________________

Thereare few ways by

which you can make

more certain of

putting people into

a good humor than by

telling them of some

trouble that has

recently befallen

you, or by

disclosing some

personal weakness of

yours.

_________________________

At the next meeting Gill plunked himself down, his huge frame testing the

limits of his chair, waited until everyone arrived, and started the meeting.

«If no one else has something, I want to continue with the ‘secrets`

exercise.»

«Let me insert a cautionary note here,” said Julius. «I don`t think it`s

a good idea to make this a prescribed exercise. Ido believe that folks do

better in the group when they reveal themselves fully, but it`s important to

move at our own pace and not feel pressured by any exercise to open up.»

«I hear you,” answered Gill, «but I don`t feel pressured. Iwant to

talk about this, and I also don`t want to leave Rebecca and Stuart hanging

out there alone. That okay?»

After noting the nods in the group, Gill continued: «My secret goes

back to when I was thirteen. I was a virgin, barely into puberty, covered

with acne, and Aunt Valerie, my father`s youngest sister...she was late

twenties or early thirties...used to stay with us from time to time—she was

between jobs a lot. We got along great, played around a lot when my folks

were out—wrestling, tickling, card games. Then one time, when I cheated

at strip poker and got her naked, things got real sexual—no longer tickling

but some serious feeling up. I was inexperienced and hormone–hot and

didn`t know exactly what was going on, but when she said to ‘stick it in,` I

said ‘yes, ma`am` and followed instructions. After that we did it anytime

we could until a couple of months later when my folks came home early

and caught us red–handed, flat out in the act—what`s that

called...flagrant...flagrant something?»

Gill looked toward Philip, who opened his mouth to answer but was

preempted by Pam, who said with lightning speed, «Flagrante delicto.»

«Wow, fast...I forgot we havetwo professors here,” murmured Gill,

who continued his account: «Well, the whole thing kind of messed up the

family. My dad didn`t get too hot under the collar about it, but my mother

was livid and Aunt Val didn`t stay with us anymore, and my mother was

furious with Dad for continuing to be friendly to her.»

Gill stopped, looked around, and then added, «I can understand why

my mother was upset, but, still, it was as much my fault as Aunt Val`s.»

«Yourfault—at thirteen? Come on!» said Bonnie. Others—Stuart,

Tony, Rebecca—nodded in agreement.

Before Gill could respond, Pam said, «I`ve got a response, Gill.

Maybe not what you`re expecting but something I`ve been holding back,

something I wanted to say to you even before I left on my trip. I don`t

know how to put it tactfully, Gill, so I`m not going to try—just going to

cut loose. Bottom line is that your story doesn`t move me one bit, and, in

most ways,you just don`t move me. Even though you say you`re revealing

yourself like Rebecca and Stuart did, I don`t experience you as

beingpersonal.

«I know that you`re committed to the group,” Pam continued. «You

seem to work hard, you take a lot of responsibility for taking care of

others, and, if someone runs out, it`s usually you that runs to get them

back. You seem to reveal yourself, but you don`t—it`s an illusion—you

stay hidden. Yes, that`s what you are—hidden, hidden, hidden. Your story

about your aunt is so typical of what I mean. Itseems personal, but it`s not.

It`s a trick because it`s notyour story, it`s your Aunt Val`s story, andof

course everyone is going to jump in and say, ‘But you were just a child,

you were thirteen, you were the victim.` What else could they say? And

your stories about your marriage havealways been about Rose, never

about you. And they always get exactly the same response from us,

‘Whydo you put up with that shit!`

«When I was meditating in India—bored out of my gourd—I

thought a lot about this group. You can`t believe how much. And I thought

about each person here. Except for you, Gill. I hate to say this, butI just

didn`t think about you. When you talk, I never know who you`re talking

to—maybe the walls, or the floor, but I never experience you as

speakingpersonally to me.»

Silence. The members seemed bewildered about how to respond.

Then Tony whistled and said, «Welcome back, Pam.»

«No sense of being here if I`m not going to be honest,” said Pam.

«What are you feeling, Gill?» asked Julius.

«Oh, just my typical feeling when I get a drop–kick to my belly—

spitting out a few pieces of pancreas. Isthat personal enough, Pam? Wait,

wait, sorry, don`t answer. I didn`t mean that. I know you`re giving me

good straight stuff. And deep down, I know you`re right.»

«Say more about that Gill, about her being right,” said Julius.

«She`s right. I could reveal more. I know that. I have things I could

say to people here.»

«To who, for example?» asked Bonnie.

«Well,you. I really like you, Bonnie.»

«Nice to hear, Gill, but it`s still not too personal.»

«Well, I got off on you calling me a hunk a couple of weeks ago.

And I don`t buy into your labeling yourself homely and so out of

Rebecca`s beauty league—I`ve always had a thing—maybe ever since

Aunt Val—about older women. And I`ll be honest, I had some juicy

fantasies when you invited me to stay at your place when I didn`t want to

go home to Rose.»

«That why you didn`t take Bonnie up on her offer?» asked Tony.

«Other stuff came up.»

When it became clear Gill was not going to elaborate, Tony asked,

«You want to say more about the other stuff?»

Gill sat for a moment, his bald pate glistening with sweat, and then

mustered resolve and said, «Tell you what, let me go around the rest of the

group and talk about my feelings.» He began with Stuart, who sat next to

Bonnie. «For you, Stuart, I got nothing but admiration. If I had kids, I`d

feel lucky to have you as their doctor. And what you described last week

doesn`t change any of my feelings.

«And you, Rebecca, tell you the truth, you intimidate me—you

seem too perfect, too pretty, too clean. What you told us about the incident