The teacher. A play for 4 people. Comedy - Николай Владимирович Лакутин

a sleigh enters, drags a car battery.

Sanek. Hello everyone

Anna, Ksyusha (chorus). Hi.

Sanek. I took a new one here. Mine plows somehow, in summer it's still nothing, but in winter it doesn't pull anymore. I snatched it while there was a sale. Maybe I'll put it on myself, but if not, I'll resell it as a last resort.

He puts the battery on the floor, sits on it, wipes the sweat from his forehead.

Anna spills tea on herself. He jumps up and runs to the bathroom.

Ksyusha. Did you go to the station?

Sanek. Yes. Driven.

Ksyusha. Have you set up a car?

Sanek. Uh-huh… We've set it up… I outlined the situation to them, explained what was going on. What was my problem? After one hundred and thirty kilometers per hour, my Lada begins to shake and have a fever. Something is playing, something is vibrating. Everything in the cabin is already jumping, shaking, shaking.

Ksyusha. And when you're not driving, is everything okay?

Well, yes, everything is quiet until the hundred. And the higher, the worse. If you're over a hundred and thirty, turn off the lights altogether.

Ksyusha. Well, what was there?

Sanek. The car was inspected, no technical problems were found. Then the master came up to me, we talked. We found a problem.

Ksyusha. So?

Sanek. Well, he said this: "Vibrations after one hundred and thirty on the Frets are a common phenomenon. The problem is, let's say, not of a technical nature.

Ksyusha. And what's going on?

Sanek. The point is playing!

Ksyusha. M… it's cool.

Sanek. Yeah. Something like that.

Ksyusha. So maybe you don't need to drive at that speed? And nothing will play.

Sanek. Yes, in theory, of course it is not necessary. But how not to drive when the car is rushing? If you don't want to, you put pressure on the trigger.

Ksyusha. It's clear. Tell you what, you fucker, get this damn thing out of here somewhere. On the balcony, for example. Wash up and sit down to eat.

Sanek. Oh, no. Thanks, I'm full. I'll take the battery away now.

He takes the battery and takes it to the balcony.

Anna returns.

Ksyusha (shouting). Why did you bring him here? What do you want here? A warehouse?

Sanek (shouting from the balcony). It was just on the way. Let it stand for a while, then I'll take it away if it gets in the way too much.

Ksyusha (shouting). It's already getting in the way! I'm not the only one living here. So, Anya is outraged!

Anna. Xun? Come on, what are you doing? Let him keep it. What problems?

Ksyusha. Yeah, just let the men loose. Turn the balcony into a garage in one fell swoop.

Sanek returns.

Sanek. That's it, I put it in a corner. It's worth it modestly, it doesn't bother anyone. Does it bother you, Anyut?

Anna. I don't.

Sanek. That's fine. Are you sulking, Ksyukha? Let's go to the cinema!

Ksyusha. Yes, it's too early to drive!

Sanek. Come on. Let's go for a walk, wander around. What is there to sit in the apartment? (To Anna). Am I right?

Anna. Sure.

Sanek. Well.

Ksyusha. Oh, listen, Nyur, so can you come with us? And?

Anna. No, no, thanks. I'm tired from work. Even though you work half the day, you get exhausted like in a day and a half. I'm going to rest. You have a great time.

Anna leaves, taking the leftovers from the table with her. Sanek and Ksyusha follow Anna with their eyes. Then they playfully look at each other, start flirting with each other.

The twilight. Ksyusha and Sanek return late in the evening. They whisper and giggle.

Ksyusha (in a whisper). Stop making me laugh, we'll wake up Anya. Did you look at the clock?

Sanek (in a whisper). Yes, it's still a child's time!

Ksyusha (in a whisper). What kind of childish? It's the first hour of the night. We're all quiet.

They're sneaking around quietly. Sanek stumbles, not intentionally stomps loudly a couple of times, catching his balance.

Ksyusha (in a whisper). Sanya, damn it! Did you do it on purpose?

Sanek (in a whisper). Not at all! Stumbled, kid, who doesn't happen to?

Ksyusha (in a whisper). That's it. Shhh!

They're sneaking around. Ksyusha touches some kind of basin, drops it. The roar.

Sanek (in a whisper). Well, which one of us is shh?

Ksyusha (in a whisper). It's your fault! Distracted!

Sanek (in a whisper). Of course, who else.

Ksyusha (in a whisper). All right, quiet!

They're sneaking around.

Anna's voice (in a loud male drawling bass).

Stay where you are!

Don't go any further!

Ksyusha and Sanek flinch, grab each other.

Anna's voice (in a loud male drawling bass).

We can hang around anywhere,

Didn't you walk, on a nice day?

And now in the middle of the night,

How about nothing with a satisfied face?

Sanek (in a whisper). What the hell is this? Ksyukha, are we really in your apartment?

Anna comes out with a staff in her hand, dressed as Santa Claus, which makes Ksusha and Sanek shudder