The Testing of a Wizard - Viktor Gitin

CANNIBAL – I don’t understand, sweetheart, what is your business here?

VEDALIA – (Looks at Cannibal and evaluates him) The same reason you are here.

CANNIBAL – What is going on here! Another contender for my happiness?! Great!

VEDALIA – (Laughs) Don’t you know?! People are quicker to unite around a free trough or to take away food from the weak.

CANNIBAL – Are you hinting that today my portion will be taken away?

VEDALIA – Well, nobody can call you weak. But that’s not the point. The point is the portion is not yours! It was me who helped Gelo to get the MIRACLE. All my life I have been making other people happy. That’s why only I can make Gelo’s dream come true. And only I can truly distribute the MIRACLE.

CANNIBAL – What about me?!

VEDALIA – And you my dear have a rest!

FISHERMAN – Wait a minute. Are you really sure, you know what true happiness is?

VEDALIA – Ha! You’re so naive. Who knows better than me? I have been around for over three hundred-years. All of you are spring chickens compared to me.

HERMIT – Three-hundred years?!

FISHERMAN – It cannot be!

CANNIBAL – And you still haven’t gone sour or grown mouldy!

VEDALIA – You can ask the Wizard.

FADRIUS – It is the morbid truth.

VEDALIA – (With coquettish reproach to Fadrius) You have given me a compliment, colleague.

FADRIUS – Don’t call me your colleague. You and I have different magic, ideals and goals.

VEDALIA – All right, all right don’t get so big headed.

A pompous Queen walks on stage. Without paying any attention to anyone she addresses Fadrius.

QUEEN – Fadrius, I have just been given a report by the guards of the city gate that Gelo has returned. As soon as he gets to the palace, bring him to me. I would like to use the MIRACLE, which he brings to me.

CANNIBAL – But that’s impossible! Yet another contender for my happiness! What right do you have to claim my MIRACLE?

QUEEN – (Suddenly she notices everyone who is in the hall) Why are all these strangers here? What are they doing here Fadrius?

FISHERMAN – We are waiting for Gelo…

CANNIBAL – To fulfill his promise…

VEDALIA – And bring me my MIRACLE …

CANNIBAL – No, mine!

Without anyone noticing him Gelo appears on stage. He watches everyone with astonishment, while listening to their conversation.

QUEEN – Are you all mad? Gelo is my subject. He has to obey my will and orders, that’s why the MIRACLE is mine! Tell them, Fadrius.

FADRIUS – Calm down everybody! It was my idea to send Gelo after the MIRACLE. It was his ritual of testing for the initiation into Wizardry. So, I will decide how to use the power of the MIRACLE.

QUEEN – Is that so, Fadrius?!

FADRIUS – Of course with the consideration of your wishes my Queen. That was our agreement.

QUEEN – All right then.

CANNIBAL – I don’t agree! Let’s do it fairly; toss a coin or throw some dice. The one who gets lucky will have the right to use the MIRACLE.

VEDALIA – (Addresses the Cannibal) Darling, come to me and I will make you happy without any luck, you will have more happiness than you need!

CANNIBAL – Don’t! I’ll manage on my own.

QUEEN – No coin tosses! What nonsense! I’m the Queen here…

VEDALIA – For now!

QUEEN – What do you mean, for now?

VEDALIA – With brains like a pigeon you won’t stay in power for long.

QUEEN – How dare you?!

VEDALIA – Of course I dare. In all my life I have seen so many kings and queens! You’re not even interesting enough for my collection of historic mummies!

FISHERMAN – Don’t argue, ladies!

QUEEN – Fadrius! I order you to turn her into a flying bat! No into a rat! Yes, a rat.

FADRIUS – I’m afraid I cannot fulfill your order Your Majesty.

QUEEN – Is this a rebellion?! Conspiracy?

FADRIUS – (With sad detachment) It’s not that, Your Majesty, it’s because this woman is a Sorceress. Our magical powers are more or less equal. So, we couldn’t destroy one another.

VEDALIA – (Triumphantly) You see my dear! So, you better keep quiet. Or you could become a rat yourself.

QUEEN – Me – a rat! What right do you have? I’ll tear your tongue out myself! I’ll scratch your eyes out!

VEDALIA – Oh, I’m so scared!

The women walk away from each other. The Queen is in a state of helpless anger. And Vedalia is in a state of wicked triumph.

FISHERMAN – Don’t quarrel, Ladies. You are both so noble!

CANNIBAL – (Joyfully) Don’t get in their way let them fight; let them bite one another’s throats. It’s fun, and we will have fewer contenders for the MIRACLE.

HERMIT – A lot of things have changed since I’ve been isolated. And unfortunately, not for the best.

CANNIBAL – You should have stayed at home in the mountains. Why didn’t you just stay there?

HERMIT – My friend Gelo invited me! But you wouldn’t understand that.

FISHERMAN – One shouldn’t be judgmental. Arguments even happen within families. You just have to learn not to take it too seriously. You shouldn’t get too emotional about it.

Gelo decisively walks out of the shadows into the center of attention. He is holding something in his hands.

FADRIUS – Welcome back Gelo. Did you accomplish your test?

FISHERMAN – You’re just in time. A little while longer and there would have been fight!

CANNIBAL – Where is the MIRACLE?

QUEEN – Can I make my wishes now?

HERMIT – It’s good that you are safe! Where is Lizy?

GELO – (Sadly looking at Hermit) Her and I parted forever. I