Мэгги Стифватер - Lament

My eyes darted to the Queen.

Her expression was dark, but she didn't disagree with Eleanor. "The Sidhe are too weak to come here without being called, even on this night. Who has called them? It is forbidden. Who has called them?"

"I have."

A shiver ran through me--my body telling me who had spoken before I even turned to look.

"Luke Dillon!" If I had thought the Queen's expression was dark before, now it was awful to see.

Eleanor stepped aside, letting Luke step up onto the stage. His eyes found me, and I saw pain in them. I couldn't stop staring at him standing there, his hair bright under the stage lights, his face pale against his black T-shirt, his shoulders square but his eyes defeated.

"Luke Dillon," the Queen said again. "It is forbidden to call the Daoine Sidhe. Would you see your soul in hell?"

"It's over," Luke said, and dropped his dagger onto the stage. It clattered across the shiny floor with ringing finality. "I'm done doing your bidding. Do with me what you will, but I am done."

The Queen glowed with fury; I saw the setting sun in her eyes. "Gallowglass, you have so much to lose. How can you deny me?"

Though Luke spoke to her, he looked at me as he said, "T mo chr i istigh inti."

"How can you love her?" screamed the Queen. "She is nothing."

And then, with Luke's pale eyes soaking me up, saying sorry, this is all I can do, I remembered-God, I'm a moron!

"I'm not nothing." I stood up. "I'm not nothing, Deirdre O'Brien."

The Queen turned her perfect face to me in disbelief.

"That's your name, isn't it?" I took a step toward her. I didn't need her to answer; I could feel the truth of it. I could feel the power it contained. Power over her. Combined with the thundering darkness outside, I felt invincible. I knew I was stronger than she was. It was well past sunset.

I looked at her old snake-eyes, and as I did, I saw one of Luke's memories behind my own eyes.

This Luke, hundreds of years younger but wearing the same face, stood before the queen, his clothing strange. The Queen, too, was unchanged, her eyes already the ancient ones that I saw today.

"I will not love you," Luke said. "I won't lie. I will not love you."

The Queen didn't look surprised. Instead, she circled him once, her massive dress dragging behind her and catching on his ankle. He stood stock still, silently waiting for her anger. If he was afraid, I couldn't feel it in the memory. The Queen ran a finger around his biceps where his tore now was, her face calculating, and then she smiled at him. "You will wish that you had."

Anger pushed me from the memory to the present. I could hurt her. I could let myself remember every cruel thing she'd done to Luke, and I could use the darkness to absolutely destroy her.

I wanted to. I wanted to stomp her and then say something pithy as she curled up and died like a spider.

As if reading my mind--maybe she was--the Queen said, scornfully, "You are still not strong enough to control the fey. You are weak unless it is full dark. But we don't have to do battle... I can teach you. I can teach you how to find the darkness that hides in the corners of rooms. To harness the night that is caught beneath the tangled branches of a tree. To find the darkness that's in you all the time. I can make you more than you are."

As she spoke, I saw the evening unfolding in her eyes, the summer folding flowers along her skin, ever blooming but not consuming her as they had Aodhan. Her hair cascaded in rivers of laughing summer waterfalls, never reaching the stage. Her fingers reached toward me, vines and roots striving for the stage lights through the tips of them.

"No." I held my hand out toward Luke, and he walked wordlessly over to me, twining my fingers tightly in his. God, his hands were cold. Like he was already dead. "No, I don't think so. I want to see the Daoine Sidhe" The glorious evening retreated into the Queen abruptly. Fury rolled off of her in vicious waves, but she couldn't refuse--we were two equal pieces circling on the chess board. She turned to Eleanor. "Get Luke Dillon's soul."

TWENTY-ONE

The parking lot was full of faeries of every shape and size. Bonfires climbed high into the night sky, sending sparks and embers whirling toward the stars. I saw faeries in the shape of birds, their massive beaks stretching three feet away from their bodies, and faeries more striking than the most beautiful models. There were men who looked like they'd been pulled from the water, and tiny faerie children who looked as if they'd been knocked from the sky. Music poured from every corner and everyone was dancing, spinning, singing.

We stood just outside the propped exit door to the auditorium, for all the world like a dysfunctional family. Luke pressed against my arm, his features hawk-like as his gaze flitted around the lot. The Queen stood a few feet away from us, supremely out of place on the dirty asphalt, and looking the more impressive for it.

Thomas Rhymer emerged from the crowd, curls bouncing, and stood before the Queen.

"Good Solstice, my lady." His voice was solicitous, if not sincere.

"Get away from me, Rhymer. You have chosen your side." Casually, the Queen lifted a hand, not looking away from the crowd, and Thomas tumbled next to my feet. "I will deal with you and your tongue later."

Luke held out a hand; Thomas accepted it and pulled himself up. His eyes met mine, but he didn't say anything as he stepped slightly behind me. Damn, I think I'm getting a retinue.

"I do not see the Daoine Sidhe," the Queen said to me. "I believe they have forgotten you."

Perhaps they had. I didn't know what my move was now.

"Not so quickly," whispered a voice, equal parts song and chant. Eleanor's eyes widened as Una slid out from behind her, moving soundlessly.

"You needn't look so shocked," Una said. "It was only a pinch."

"Keep your distance," the Queen warned, and lifted a hand. "I will snap you in two."

"Come here!" Brendan's voice conveyed the worry that was absent in Una's face. He looked nearly as regal as the Queen, winding his way through the reveling faeries astride a dapple gray horse draped in bells.

Bells around the horse's hooves jangled with each step, and bells hanging from the reins trilled as the horse spooked at a ring of dancing faeries. Behind him, a half dozen more horses pushed their way through the crowd, all dapple grays with coats reflecting the colors around them. All of their bells should have made a cacophony, but instead there was an endless rippling chord of stunning melody. Despite everything, I caught my breath, struck with wonder.

Una spiraled over to where Brendan had stopped, tweaking his mount's reins to hear the bells again. "Did I not tell you it would be this door? Don't you look a fool now?" She wiggled her fingers toward the Queen and Eleanor, who stood behind the Queen holding a covered cage.

"Behold the peacock and her handler."

I wasn't sure whether the Queen or Eleanor was the peacock, but neither of them looked pleased with the comparison.

"Say your bit," the Queen snarled. "Since you must."

Luke bowed slightly toward Brendan, as much as he could while still keeping his fingers in mine. "Good Solstice, Brendan. Please hurry. We haven't much time."

Brendan nodded back and glanced at the other Daoine Sidhe. They urged their horses forward until they stood in a row of seven, shoulder to shoulder, the faeries' bare feet touching the toes of the faerie next to them.

"Deirdre," Brendan said. "You have saved the tarbh uisge, one of ours, on this night, and that binds us." He sang, The bird that flies across the fields Eats the seeds of the meadow grasses The seed that falls from the beak yields More than the meadows losses.

I stared at him. He was looking at me expectantly, and I'm sure I was supposed to say something clever.

Thomas leaned in and touched my shoulder. "A life for a life," he whispered. "It's a song of balance. They'll give you a life for the life you saved."

Oh.

In my head, Eleanor was pressing a dirty-pigeon soul into Aodhan's chest and he was falling to the ground, dead, wearing Luke's face. But it didn't have to end that way. I could ask for Luke's life. I could win his soul back and save him. This wouldn't be the last time I held his hand. My story would have a happy ending.

"Save his life," Luke whispered, his lips on my ear. "Hurry. He doesn't have much time left."

Guilt rocked through me, pricking immediate tears in my eyes. I didn't know how I could've forgotten James, back on the stage, gasping for life. What kind of a person was I? Of course, I had to save James. What was I thinking? I half turned my head toward Luke, swallowing more tears. "But then--but when--if I--if you get your soul back--" Luke kissed just in front of my ear, so brief and light that it was almost just his lips forming words. "I know. I know, pretty girl. I knew all along."

I wanted him so badly it hurt, a dull ache somewhere below my ribs. I wanted to say, "save Luke." It would be so easy.

It would be so wrong.

I looked at the ground, at every little jagged crevice in the asphalt. If you stared at it long enough, you could see little flecks of some sort of shining rock mixed into its surface. Two glistening drops splatted on the asphalt, and I looked up at Brendan and wiped my cheek.

"Thank you for the favor. Truly, you are very kind. Please--please would you save my friend James? If you can?" I almost choked on the last words, but I got it all out before another tear escaped.

"Good girl," Luke said softly.

"Where is he?" Brendan asked.

Una whirled past us. "I know. I can hear him dying in here."

Brendan dismounted and followed her through the door, giving me and my iron key a wide berth, even on Solstice. He said over his shoulder, "It will be done."

And I burst into tears. I didn't care who was watching--the Queen, Eleanor, all of the faeries of the world, whatever. I didn't care. Luke squeezed his arms around me, letting me bury my face in his shoulder. I felt him staring at the Queen as he kissed the top of my head.

"Let go of her." The Queen's voice was stony.

Luke's arms tightened around me as I pulled up my face to look at her. Again, the red setting sun was blazing in her eyes. Please don't let go of me. He didn't.

"Let go of her."

Eleanor's lips curled into a smile at the anger in her Queen's voice.

"I will when she asks me to," Luke said. "I told you, I'm done doing your bidding. If this is the way I die, so be it."

If he was afraid, I could not feel it. The Queen whirled to the cage at Eleanor's feet, and tugged off the cover. Beneath it, a doorless birdcage with wire-thin bars surrounded a dove so white it hurt my eyes. It flapped its wings in terror, crashing off the sides of the cage and tumbling to the bottom. Luke sighed, his eyes fixed on the bird, his body firmly pressed against me but the rest of him somewhere else.

"Foul, isn't it?" the Queen asked. "Seems only fitting that the essence of a killer should manifest as a filthy, ordinary pigeon."