DIANE DUANE - A Wizard Alone

Kit looked at her, wondering what she meant.  It s not that he d think he washallucinating you, exactly,  his mama said.  This isn t that kind of perceptual problem. But some autistic people have trouble conceiving of anything existing outside the workings of their own minds. The concept of  the other  seems to take a long time forming. That s part of why so many of them can t make or keep eye contact with other people. Yet for the same reason, a lot of them seem not to know what fear is.

 Weird,  Kit said.

 Not as such,  said his mother. Different, yes. You may not scare him, but you may upset him  so be ready for that.

 Okay,  Kit said.

His mother sat back and looked sad.  The problem is that there are probably as many kinds of autism as there are people who have it,  she said.  And not enough of them come back from that side of things to tell us how what s happened to them looks or feels.  She shook her head.  Some of the few who have say that the world just got too overwhelming to be borne. They felt like they were surrounded by sounds that were too intense, sights they couldn t bear to see. So they had to withdraw inside themselves to getaway, or even hurt themselves over and over again as a way to blot out the pain outside. It s the only way they can control it. Others tell about feeling so sealed away from the world and the things and people in it that they hurt themselves just to beable to feel something. You get kids who are autistic from age two, and others who re perfectly normal until suddenly they turn ten or twelve and something just goes wrong and they turn inward and don t come out again for years.If ever.  Kit s mama looked haunted.

Kit nodded slowly.  I didn t know it was this complicated.

 It is.

 You know anything that would be good for me to read 

 There are lots of books,  his mother said.  Some of the ones in the hospital library are going to be too technical for you.  She looked over Kit s shoulder at the books spread out on the floor.  But some won t be, and they re more recent than these. Let me see what I can bring you.

 Great. One thing, though. I really need to take tomorrow off to work on this. Can you call school and get me off 

She scowled at him.  You don t have a test or anything tomorrow 

 Huh  No.

 I m not going to make a habit of this 

 I m not asking you to, Mama! But it s going to take more than just lunch hour to make a start on this, and I don t want to have to run off all of a sudden in the middle of something that s going to make a difference.

His mother sat thinking.  All right,  she said.  I ll take care of it. You can have a stomach bug or something.

 No, Mama! Don t lie to them. Just tell them I need a personal day.

She gave him a slightly approving look.  Okay.

 Thanks, Mama. You re the best.  He got up and kissed her, and took her coffee cup.  You want some more 

 Yes.  His mother leaned back on the sofa. Two sugars. And then I want you to explain to me why I can hear the DVD player and the remote yelling at each other in Japanese in the middle of the night.

Kit shut his eyes briefly in horror, and went to get the coffee.

Pursuits

Quite early the next morning, Kit came downstairs to find his sister sitting in front of the TV with a plate of half-finished toast, and a most peculiar expression on her face.  Brother dear  Carmela said.

This tone of voice usually meant that something bad was going to happen.And I haven t even had my cornflakes yet , Kit thought.  What 

 I need to talk to you about the TV.

 Uh  what about it  He went into the kitchen to make a start at least on the cornflakes, before she really got rolling.

 Why did Pop tell me not to watch it 

 Uh,  Kit said,  maybe I should ask you first if Pop told you not to watch it, then what re you doing 

If he hoped that taking the offensive with his sister would help him even a little, the hope was misplaced.  Whydo what they say until you can figure out why 

Carmelasaid from the living room.  And with Pop at work and Mama asleep, there s no way I m going to find out thewhys fromthem for hours. So I ask you, instead  while having a look myself.

Kit said nothing, just rummaged enthusiastically in the fridge for the milk.

 Most of the shows don t make much sense, Carmela said.  And a lot of others are in weird languages. This has to do with all the yelling in Japanese the other day, am I right 

 To a certain extent,  Kit said, getting a bowl out of the cupboard and then opening a drawer for a spoon.

His sister sighed.  You know,  she said,  you re bad at covering your tracks when you ve busted something. Hey, that s a local phone number!

Kit s eyes widened with shock. He hurried in to find his sister goggling at a screen full of billowing white smoke and a number with a 516 area code both of which, to his vast relief, then dissolved intowhangy guitar music and an offer for cut-rate Elvis CDs.

Carmelalooked up at Kit, registering his reaction, and shook her head.  I can t believe you re into this retro stuff,  she said, changing channels to her more usual morning fare, the channel with all the cartoons.  It s a good thing you ve got Nita, because it sgonna be a long time before anybody else wants to date you, the taste you ve got.

 I have not  got  Nita,  Kit said through gritted teeth.  And as for taste, you shouldn t be talking.Tom and Jerry cartoons  Give me a break.

 I m waiting for the Road Runner, Carmela said, managing to sound both pitying and incredibly stuck-up. A symbol of innocence endlessly pursued by the banality of evil.

Kit went back to his cornflakes.  I wish the evilI keep running into was a little more banal,  he muttered as he picked up his bowl and started eating. The Lone Power s favorite tool, entropy, had already struck locally: His cornflakes had gone soggy.

Resigned, he sat down and ate them anyway. ShortlyCarmela came wandering into the kitchen and stuck her head in the refrigerator.  You got today off, huh 

 Yeah.  Business  stuff. He ate the last spoonful of cornflakes and went to rinse the bowl.  And I didn t bust  the TV, either.

 Well, it has agigabillion new channels, looks like,  his sister said.  The one before this one looked pretty neat. They were selling some kind of eternal-youth potion.  She paused to primp herself unnecessarily in the dark glass of the microwave. Might come in handy.

 You have to grow up first before the fountain of youth s going to do you any good,  Kit said, putting the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher,  and anyway, whatyou need is the fountain of brains.

Kit spent the next few minutes running around the house while his sister, in pursuit, whacked him as often as possible with a rolled-up boy-band fan magazine. He could have teleported straight out of there, but it was more fun to let her chase him, and it would keep her in a good mood. Finally eight-thirty rolled around, the latest time when she could leave and still get to homeroom on time, andCarmela got her book bag andheaded out.  Bye-bye,  she said as she went out the back door.  Don t get eaten by monsters or anything.

 HItry to avoid it.

The door closed. Kit went off to get his manual, reflecting that things could be a lot worse for him. A resident sister who found wizardry freaky or annoying could cause endless trouble, forcing him to live like a fugitive in his own house, hiding what he was.But so many human wizards have to do that, anyway , he thought, going into his room to get the manual off his desk, and carefully walking aroundPonch , who lay on the braided oval rag rug beside his bed, still asleep.They have families they can t trust, or who can t cope   The thought of telling someone you loved that you were a wizard, and then discovering that he or she couldn t handle it and would have to have the memory removed, made Kit shudder. Iwas lucky.Not that it wasn t a little traumatic at first, with Mama and Pop. But they got past it. And so didHelena , sort of .

His older sister had been the cause of some worries for Kit when he d told her he was a wizard.Helena had at first been dismissive, in an amused way: She hadn t believed him. But when Kit had started casually using wizardry around the house,Helena had actually gone through a short period when she d thought he d done some kind of deal with the devil. Finally she calmed down when she saw that Kit had no trouble participating at church along with the rest of the family, and when Kit gotHelena to understand that the Lone Power, no matter which costumeIt was wearing, was never going to be any friend of his. ButHelena  s moral concerns had died down into a kind of strange embarrassment about Kit, which was as hard to bear, in its way, as the accusations of being a dupe of ultimate evil. When she went away to college and didn t have to see what Kit was doing from day to day, their relationship got back to normal, if a rather long-distance kind of normal.What would it have been like if she d stayed around, though   Kit had found himself thinking, more than once.How would Ihave coped   It was a question he was glad not to have had to answer.And if that makes me chicken, fine. I m chicken .

He glanced down atPonch . He was still asleep, his muzzle and feet twitching gently as he dreamed. Kit sat down to wait until the dog finished the dream. The wizard s manual lay on his desk; he flipped it open to Darryl s page again and considered that for a few moments.

He s only eleven, Kit thought, looking over the slightly more detailed personal information that had added itself to Darryl s listing since Kit had become involved. Eleven wasn t incredibly young for a wizard Dairine had been offered the Wizard s Oath at eleven  but it was still a little on the early side: a suggestion that the Powers That Be needed Darryl for something slightly more urgent than usual.All we need to do is try to figure out what it is  try to help him find his way around whatever s blocking him. Without getting in the way of whatever his Ordeal s supposed to do for him .

That s likely to be a tall order

Ponchhad stopped dreaming and was breathing quietly again. Kit hated to wake him, but free days likethis weren t something he got often. He nudged his dog s tummy gently with one sneaker.

 Ponch,  he said. C mon, big guy.

Ponchopened one eye and looked at Kit.

Breakfast!

His dog might be getting a little strange, as wizards  pets sometimes do, but in other regardsPonch was absolutely normal.Ponch got up, stretched fore and aft, shook himself all over, and then headed for the hallway. Kit grinned, picked up the manual, stuck it into the  pocket  ofotherspace that he kept things in for his wizardly work, and went after him.

In the kitchen, Kit opened a can of dog food and emptied it into the bowl.Ponch went through it in about five minutes of single-mindedchowing down,then looked up.More

 You re only supposed to get one in the morning. You know that.

But today s a workday. Today we go bunting.

 So 

I haveto keep up my strength.

Kit rolled his eyes.  I m being had here,  he said.

Boss!Ponch looked pained.

 Oh, all right,  Kit said after a moment.  But if all this food makes you want to lie down and have a big long sleep all of a sudden 

It won t.

Kit sighed and opened the cupboard to get out another can of dog food.Not that one. The chicken this time ,Ponch said.

Kit looked at his dog, then at the label on the can.  When did you learn to read 

Idon t have to read. I can hear you doing it ,Ponch said.Anyway, the color s different on the food with chicken in it .

Kit grabbed a different can and popped the top, shaking his head, and emptied it intoPonch s bowl.  Thecolor  he said after a moment.  I thought dogs saw only in gray.

Ponchpaused in his eating.Maybe we do , he said.But important things look different .

Kit shook his head. Whatever color his dog saw his food in, it didn t matter much, as it all swiftly went inside him, where theoretically everything was the same color, especially after it was digested.

When he was finished eating,Ponch circled around a couple of times and lay down to start washing his paws.

 You re not going to go to sleep, are you   Kit said.

Ponchlooked at him with some mild annoyance.Ifyou  re going to hunt , he said,your feet have to be clean . He went back to nibbling his paws again.

Kit sighed and sat down to wait. WhenPonch was finished, he got up, shook himself again, and said,Ihave to go out .

 You ll be ready then 

Yes.

Kit opened the door and let the dog out. He put on his jacket, picked up his house keys from the hook inside the back door, and got one more thing from theplace where the coats hung the wizardly  leash  that he d made forPonch when they were working together in other worlds. For those who could see it, it looked like a slender, smooth cord of blue light, a tight braid of words in the Speech that had to do with finding things, remembering where you found them, and not losing what had helped you find them in the first place namelyPonch . Kit coiled up the leash and stuffed it in his parka pocket, then locked up the house and went up the driveway to the gate in the chain-link fence. TherePonch was dancing with impatience. Kit opened the gate, andPonch shot through and into the yard, straight to the back where the trees and bushes grew thickest.

Kit paused for a moment in the frosty morning air. It was one of those cold gray days, but the wrong kind of gray for snow the kind of day that made you wish that spring would hurry up, but also a day when going to another universe, any other universe, would be a relief from the gloominess of your own. He reached into his pocket for the transit spell he d used the other day to get to Darryl's school, and ran the long glowing chain of it through his fingers whilePonch did his business back in the bushes. A moment laterPonch bounced out of the underbrush again, and ran back to Kit, bounding up and down around him.

You ready

 Yeah.Here s your leash.

Kit managed with some difficulty to getPonch to hold still long enough to slip the leash-spell around his neck. ShouldPonch s search for Darryl take them into some space where there wasn t air, or something else humans and dogs needed to survive, the leash would make sure Kit s fail-safe spells temporarily coveredPonch , until Kit could improvise something else. It would also keep them from getting separated in any hostile environment.

Where to first

 Darryl s school,  Kit said.  Let me get us invisible first. I want a closer look at him when we get there.

Kit reached out to one side and traced his finger down the air,  unzipping  hisclaudication pocket,then reached in for the wizard s manual. When he bounced it in his hand, it fell open at the spot Kit had previously marked, the invisibility spell. The wizardry was as he d left it, in a partly activated state, waiting for the last few syllables to be pronounced.

Kit said them, and felt the wizardry take, expanding to fold around him andPonch and then snug in close. This was one of the simpler ways to be invisible; the wizardry  looked  at what was behind you and made anyone in front of you see that instead of you. This light-diversion type of invisibility wasn t good for use in large groups, because it tended to break down under the strain of servicing too many viewpoints, but Kit thought this would be good enough for this morning; he didn t think he andPonch were likely to wind up in a crowd.